Now don’t get me wrong, there are many reasons I would totally consider getting a C-Section, the main thing being if Baby was in distress or at risk I would be the first person suggesting we get kiddo out to help them! Like all Mamma’s out there I protect my kiddos the best way I know how!
And I’m not against elective C-Sections either, there are a number of reasons why they are a great benefit to both Mamma and Baby.
But when someone is talking to me about me having a C-Section don’t smack me with it from way out in left field when we were NOT talking about something that REQUIRES one.
My History
If you have been following along with my story at all you’ll already know I had a Painless Birth with our first kiddo. It was also a crazy smooth/enjoyable pregnancy too boot, (yes I won the lottery on that one).
This time around I’ve had a few more challenges, specifically one with a Diastatis Recti Muscle Separation, the tummy muscles that run up the centre of your stomach sometimes separate during the later months of pregnancy to accomodate the increased space kiddo needs. In my case they separated in early pregnancy and were weak from the previous pregnancy and lack of rehabilitation after it.
On top of that I have an old knee injury that when compouned with the Muscle Separation have created some serious SI (Sacro-Illiac) Joint (AKA where your hip attaches to your spine) pain/issues, and some general pelvic floor instability and problems.
As a result by month 4 of this pregnancy (#2) I already looked like I was 7-8 months pregnant and I waddled like a penguin. Around Month 6 I started having a hard time climbing stairs and sitting (or standing) for extended periods of time.
I don’t say this to make you feel sorry for me, I say this because it is a fact of the life I’ve had for the last few months.
So when I was talking to my Midwife we agreed it was a good idea to get me onto sick leave/bed rest. At least that way the fact that everything else is “normal” in this pregnancy (ie baby is doing well, all my test results look good etc) should stay that way and I could take the time I needed to rest in preparation for the birth of kiddo.
After getting a certificate of pregnancy, and a note stating I am to be off work for the final 2 months of that pregnancy my work put me on sick leave and connected me with my insurace coverage for going on short term sick leave prior to my Maternity Leave.
Here is where things get more than a little bit anxiety causing for me…
Underwriters are trained and expected to find reasons to NOT APPROVE claims. Not only is it how the company they work for makes money, but as there are people out there who try to defraud them they have to be on the look out for that and protect the company from fraudsters. They are meant to make it a challenge to get a payout. It sucks but it’s the truth.
So when they asked for my medical file the underwriters went to my Family Doctor, and actually refused to use the information provided by my Midwife. They claimed that my Midwife did not have the “Authorization” to make these kinds of statements/decisions.
After much running around and trying to get all the information that they wanted to them. I was getting frusterated, and the last stop was my Family Doc (again not my primary care provider for this pregnancy) to discuss some of the information to be added to my file from my Midwives files and my PhysioTherapist who had both provided complete histories already for insurance purposes.
The Conversation
So I finally get in front of my Family Doctor, who has NOT been seeing me for the duration of my pregnancy. And the conversation reviewed the details of what my Physio and Midwife had both said about my need to keep off my feet and rest so that the pain is manegable.
Through out this conversation I had to stand and sit multiple times just so that the pain didn’t get too distracting.
Now I’ve also known this particular Doctor since I was a teen, as I’m in my 30’s now you could say that I am fairly familiar to him and I’ve had a number of conversations with him about all things pregnancy, getting pregnant and childbirth over that time.
So color me supprised when all of a sudden he pipped up with a
“You know to make you more comfortable we should just get the baby out”
I didn’t realize what exactly he said at first and I think it showed on my face.
He continued “We could schedule a C-Section, so you could be more comfortable sooner. Babies do after all come upto 2 weeks late.”
I heard the word C-Section and instantly saw red! Again, I have nothing against them, I just don’t see why I would need to have one when the pregnancy is going normally.
I don’t even remember what I said to him after that, but likely I declinde it in some polite enough manner that I didn’t seriously offend.
The Part that ticks me off
Ok, so when I think back to it I know he had his reasons for suggesting a C-Section. And for many women it would have not only been a good option but welcome reliefe from the pain and bed rest.
But for me, someone who has repeatedly told him (in other appointments) that I wanted a natural birth, and that nothing short of Baby in distress would make me agree to a C-Section… well now he is playing with fire.
Baby is not in distress, baby is happy where he is… so no need for a C-Section in my book.
He logic was based around me needing to feel more physically comfortable. And I get it I do. Not everyone is willing to put up with the pain I’ve dealt with for as long as I have let alone continue to do so until baby decides to show up.
What I wish I had said
I wish I had told him that a c-section would not increase my comfort level, that an extended recovery period compounded by stiches and major muscles being cut would make me less comfortable.
I wish I had reminded him that Natural Birth is do-able in so many situations, and that this is one of them. That other then the pain I’m dealing with I am healthy, and Baby is not at risk.
I wish I had stated the facts around risks and compunding factos that are just now starting to come to light about some of the differences between vaginal and sugery delivered Babies.
I wish I had stated that while I’m not personally again C-Sections and think they save lives daily neither I nor Baby are at risk of loosing our lives…
I wish I had stated the statistics about women’s mental health and the increasing rates of PostPartum Depression and Anxiety among others that occur more frequently AFTER a C-Section.
But Mostly I wish I had stated that I felt he never heard me when I talked about how petrified I was of having someone else in control of my body and my baby. How the trauma of my past was not being respected nor acknowledge in my medical care because he couldn’t even respect the boundary I stated previously about NOT WANTING TO HEAR IT unless kiddo was at risk.
You see, not all of us can handle the thought of a c-section. Mamma’s who have one (or more) are supper strong in my mind because they are facing something I fear in my gut to a degree that a week after my appointment with my doc I’m still having crying fits over the fact that he suggested this.
And I don’t normally cry, I don’t normally ball my eyes out more than once maybe twice a year. It’s just not my thing.
And now here I am, the C word floating around in my head wondering if someone is going to try and take away my baby because I wasn’t going to opt for a C-Section just to make myself more comfortable.
I know I’m going to get judged for not doing it. I know someone somewhere will say “well that’s just stupid, go get the baby out and be happy you can even have one”. Or something like that.
But my fear of having a c-section is as real to me, and as strong to me as anything else. And I won’t, unless baby is at risk, for him I could put aside my fear and protect my kiddo. But I won’t be able to handle it with just an epidural… they’ll have to put me completely under or the trauma will be too much.