I think by now that you know I’m a “Glass Half Full” type person. For me, that includes things like keeping a gratitude journal, looking at the positive in every situation and so on.
If you’ve read any of my other posts you know I’m also an abuse survivor.
Most people don’t see those 2 as mixing well.
They expect me to be “damaged” and rather pessimistic. And when they realize I’m not I typically get called naive and sometimes I’m accused of lying about the abuse.
The reality is that while YES I can see the negative, I CHOOSE to look on the bright side. The silver lining is far more pretty than the black storm cloud any day. And I would rather look at something beautiful.
I also recognize that you also don’t get a silver lining without the storm cloud either.
Riding the Storm
If you are like me, the storm can be fun, exciting and a whirlwind adventure. It’s crazy how fast life can change, and while there are many things we can be upset about often we can’t change or control those things.
Just like we can’t control the weather, what other people choose to do (or not do) is not something we can change.
However, it affects us we have to ride it out. And see where we land on the other side.
I’m not saying the storm won’t cause damage, just like a hurricane, an abusive relationship causes all sorts of unseen issues and pain for those caught in it.
We get tossed about,
Churned in the waters of life,
Broken on the rocks of immovable stubborn people.
Yes, that’s rather poetic for the damage abuse can cause.
And when you are in a hospital or at home recovering from being broken, it’s painful, not poetic.
Often we deal with the scars for the rest of our lives, if not on our bodies then in our hearts and minds.
We can See the Silver Lining
BUT, once we are out of the storm (or relationship in this case), we can look back and reflect.
Here is where the cool part comes in:
WE GET TO CHOOSE HOW WE REMEMBER THE STORM!
Yup, you read that right.
We get to Choose!
We get to choose if we remember every single hate-filled word slung at us, or if we choose to remember how we learned to block it out.
We get to choose if we remember every single hit or blow we’ve sustained, or how we learned to protect those around us who couldn’t protect themselves.
We get to choose if we believe our weaknesses are greater than our strengths.
I’m by no means telling you to Forgive & Forget. I don’t condone stupidity, if you were in an abusive relationship and got out, STAY OUT!
All I’m saying is, You are stronger than you think. You are more beautiful than you believe, and smarter than you know. This thing called life is a journey, there are bound to be bumps, and storms of all types along the way.
We don’t control the storms, we are not to blame for the storms.
It’s not the storm that defines who we are, but our perspective and choices around it that build us up or tear us down.
You see a storm is just a storm, like any event it’s what we decide about it that makes it good or bad in our lives.
Our perspectives or viewpoints on it are what build or destroy us.
If a random stranger on the street told you something negative about yourself would you believe them?
Would you let the event ruin your day?
Hopefully not, but if you did believe them in all likelihood you already held that belief about yourself & they just reinforced it. In that case, I would suggest you get in touch with yourself, look at your perceptions of yourself. Take off the glasses that are coloring your perspective of who you really are.
Just because the storm is strong does not mean you are weak.
Just because the storm lashes and trashes, does not mean you will break.
Just because the storm wails and whines, does not mean you need to listen.
Just because someone is abusive does not mean you need to put up with it!
I challenge you to look for the positive, not just in the storm, but in yourself. I have and it can really change your perspective on who you are and what you are capable. Especially in the face of people tearing you down.
Here some perspectives I’ve learned about myself from Storms:
- I’m highly protective of those I care about
- I’m mentally stronger and smarter than I fully understand
- I have a great capacity for kindness and compassion
- I love deeply and form very strong bonds with the people around me.
- When people don’t understand me it’s ok, I don’t have to get them either.
- More than one person can be “right” about a situation, it doesn’t make the other one “wrong”
- Making a mistake doesn’t make me evil.
- Bending/changing makes me adaptable, not weak
- Other people’s opinions are not facts (don’t treat them as such)
Relationships end and change as time goes on, if you have left an abusive one often we carry on the storm in our own head it can get Overwhelming and Mentally Exhausting.
I challenge you to change that perspective, you’ve had the strength to get out. Now have the strength to change your perspective on who you are and believe you are worth being yourself.
That doesn’t mean that more storms won’t come. Heck, sometimes the same storm will come back and haunt you for years after you leave.
Just know, you are NOT responsible for the storm. You ARE responsible for your perspective and what you choose in response to the storm.
So YEAH, I’m looking at the silver lining. Even when the storm comes up and tries to beat me over the head with a stick, I’ve learned to duck, tuck, and roll with it.
And so can you,