The Journey to Building better Self Trust
Trust isn’t a topic we often talk about in our society, and Self Trust is something we are actually taught to NOT have. In a consumer based world, we are told that we NEED to listen to the impulsive quick desires to be satisfied in life. (IE lets buy something)
But for those of us looking to take the journey to healing and wholeness, at some point we need to start re-developing our ability to trust. And more importantly to Trust ourselves.
I can remember being shocked when my martial arts coach talked to me the first time about trust in general. Still, at a point where I was working on a ton of self-doubts, and recriminations and kept getting stuck in my own head, I was already Overwhelmed.
While I don’t remember the specifics of what he said but I do remember that I played it over and over in my head for weeks after.
At the time we were working on my ability to fall and roll. And I desperately needed to trust that my body would react in a way that wouldn’t hurt it. Of course, my brain kept getting in the way and I would cause myself problems and pain.
I’ve looked back at this point in time as somewhat of a “Pivotal Moment” in my life. I was being offered the choice, stand up and take charge, or sit down and miss out.
I desperately wanted to stand up. But I didn’t know HOW!
As it turns out I had to get out of my own way first. And it started with learning to trust that my body wasn’t out to hurt me.
The Lie We are Taught About Self-Trust
At some point, we have been taught that this thing called the body, would betray us. It would feel things that were untrue, and it wants stuff that we really don’t need.
We’ve been told that we need to mold and shape the body into the “ideal image” based on someone else’s point of view on what that image actually is.
Our reactions to this tend to tell our body that it is not important and not going to be listened to. It may have fought back for a while, but at some point, it likely gave up.
The Truth / Reality
The problem with this thought is that our bodies are often the gateway to understanding where we are in life. They are a gauge to see what is going on.
In a bad relationship? Your body will tell you (aches and pains, sleepless nights, anyone?).
In the wrong job? Heart palpating, and high blood pressure likely to follow.
We don’t all have the same symptoms for the same scenarios, I’m just listing the ones that have happened to me.
What to Expect when we Take Action.
And when you start to listen to your body it will likely scream at you for all the things you’ve been doing that it has been trying to warn you about. It doesn’t trust you yet, (I know mine did) it doesn’t trust that you will keep listening, so it will try to keep your attention.
Sometimes it will scream so loud you don’t have any other choice but to listen.
At this point, it will be tempting to shut it off and walk away. After all, you’ve done that before and it’s a lot more comfortable.
Be patient with it, and yourself. You need to re-build this connection to be whole again.
Learning to listen to your body can actually be a lot of fun, especially once you get past the screaming.
Getting Started on the Road to Self-Trust
I figured that to teach my body I could be trusted I had a few areas that I would need to work on. I would feed it, clean it and move it in ways that helped it feel better and hope that it would come around.
I’m not saying the process is easy but here are some of the habits I’ve been working on the help re-build my “body trust” and by extension my self-trust.
Eating a healthy diet
This will look different for everyone. For me, this includes gluten-free as I’m gluten intolerant. But it also includes eating enough so that I’m full but not overeating all the time. It’s been a balance figuring this one out and I’m still a work in progress. But to be “in trust” my body needs to know that when it’s hungry I’ll eat, and when it needs to move I’ll listen and do something.
Just a note, if we keep feeding our bodies crap (ie junk food) it’s still not going to trust you. I tried that, and all it did was make me more and more cranky, and the aches and pains got worse. Not better.
Drinking enough water.
I’ve heard before that we are 90% water. But I believe that I’ve gotten rather far below that and dehydrated my self dangerously by not drinking enough water. At the moment I track this in my bullet journal to ensure I’m getting enough. When we have enough liquid in our system everything works better, from the signals in our brains to the muscle cramps in our feet.
Get out there and MOVE
I’m not talking some high-intensity physical activity here (unless that’s your thing then go for it) I’m talking go for a short walk and check in with yourself/body to see what’s going on. Do this daily and it will change your perspective.
I was already in class for martial arts so I stuck that out for a while. It taught me to trust that my body would/could protect me.
Journalling / writing / creativity
Sometimes we just need to get stuff out of us. I personally LOVE to journal. I can write pages and pages of thoughts out at the drop of a hat. And often do.
But any kind of creativity is something that can help get some of these feelings out of our body into form and processable in the process. It could be painting, sculpting, coding software, drawing or ANYTHING THAT FEELS CREATIVE FOR YOU!
Just get it out into the world, and stop caring if it is “perfect” enough or not. Create for the sake of creating.
learning to be present in the moment instead of constantly worried about the past or future does not minimize what you’ve been through.
if anything it reaffirms how strong you are to have been through it and still capable of enjoying life.
Seriously though, get out of your own head and into the moment. It’s all anyone has really, we can’t change the past, and the only effect we can have on the future are the choices we make now, here in the present. Once you realize that it gets a whole lot easier to live more often in the moment.
Be gentle with yourself
No matter where you are on the path to self-trust, please be gentle with yourself. It journeys take time, sometimes they seem faster for others than yourself. And at others, you will feel like you are leaps and bounds ahead of everyone.
Its ok, you don’t have to build Rome in a day. And if you slide back into a harsher/harder time in your life that happens. ITs part of you checking to see if you really are ready for this big change your making.
Either way, know that I believe you can do this. Not only can you, but you deserve to! The question is do you believe it? Do you believe you deserve to? That will be the deciding factor.
What have you done to rebuild your Self Trust? Shoot me an email at Contact Mrs. B. or comment below. I would love to hear from you.