Harrowing

My first planned pregnancy was very happy and completely problem-free. I went to all the classes and read up about labour and birth and felt very happy, confident, and prepared. I went into labour in the middle of the night. It was quite strong from the get-go. I calmly paced through the night and didn’t wake my husband until the morning.

My labour continued very slowly but I was still very positive. After coping for more than sixteen hours in the hospital I gave in and asked for pain relief. Still progressing slowly my labour went on and on. ( what you’d expect for a first labour) When I was finally ‘allowed’ to push ( 24 plus hours later) after the first push, my midwife said ‘wow…. you’re a really good pusher!’ Alas, my baby was stuck and didn’t move again for four hours. My baby was ‘face to pubis’ much more difficult and more painful. I felt totally inadequate and out of control. I ended up utterly traumatized. My son was born but I was traumatized and my physical recovery very slow ( over 6 months) and looking after my son was extremely difficult. I quickly fell into a deep depression.

Two years later I accidentally fell pregnant, the whole pregnancy was a trauma ‘mentally’. I was offered a C section. I accepted. The experience and recovery was a breeze in comparison to the ‘natural birth I’d experienced.

Three years later I accidentally fell pregnant again. The trauma of my first labour still haunting me I had a termination.

My daughter ( my c section baby) is now 30 and 23 weeks pregnant. I am so terrified for her I cry and can’t sleep, I want to tell her to have a c section! But how can I? She knows I had a traumatic birth but doesn’t know that 33 years later the trauma is still with me. I would never tell her of my fear for her.
All I can hope is that her labour is as trauma-free as yours.